- 4:02 PM Nov. 2 - You told me honestly that you weren't going to leave me and that I wasn't worthless. I didn't believe you. I should have, because I knew you were telling the truth, but she wouldn't listen. I asked you if love was enough and, you took a long time answering it.

Nov. 11 - I was sleeping over at your house and I was awake as usual but you were asleep. I heard people moving around and talking outside the room, and they could've come in (they didn't), but I didn't move or anything because I didn't want to...even though it might've meant that they found out.

Nov. 13 - I honestly don't remember what this one is referring to. It may have had something to do with you saying you needed me, though.

Nov. 20 - You said that all my freaking out and doubting you were making you feel trapped or something. Which, was what I was afraid of.

Dec. 2 - I was freaking out about something...I think, maybe in regards to not being able to feel anything. Anyway, you called me, which wasn't a good idea since I can talk even less on the phone. Anyway, you said you didn't know what to do. She said that it was just like every other time, that nothing had changed.

Dec. 13 - Thinking about cutting myself, or making myself throw up. I didn't. She was trying to convince me I needed to take revenge, but I didn't listen to her.

Dec. 14 - I told someone on Post Secret I was thinking of cutting. I didn't want to make you feel bad because I didn't even think I'd do it, which is why I didn't tell you first. The person made me promise to tell you if I didn't think I could control it.

Dec. 29 - Started with the spells. Thought maybe that's what my chest pain was from, but it probly isn't.

Jan. 6 - She was angry because you said you were supposed to die, and wouldn't do anything to change it. Really it was just because we were scared we couldn't do anything to help, and you'd go away.

Jan 9 - Kemu (Kemuri) and Himmel are two of them. Kemuri told me a new way to use my spell that was more dangerous than the first, and Himmel was trying to talk some sense into me but I wasn't listening.

Jan 17 - She was mad because you said you would lie to me. She said if you lied about one thing you would have to be lying about everything else, that she was right all along. I was wondering if I should just stop caring and let you do whatever you wanted....because if what she said was true, you didn't care about me anyway.


and for January 20
Kemuri was trying to convince me into revenge again, but a much worse kind. I didn't listen to her, and I was hoping that believing in you wouldn't be the wrong choice.

and since I'm in an explaining mood, I could, uh, explain them...well, like, the ones who are usually there.
So you, don't get confused.
I don't know, you don't have to read it if you don't want, cause it sounds stupid and all but, I"m gonna ramble about it anyway.

You've kind of heard of Kemuri before but not really entirely. She tries to convince me to do a lot of things that are probably not good because she thinks they'll help. Like I said when I explained her before, she doesn't care what happens as long as she gets what she wants.

The one who always gets angry is The Youkai. I think its mostly because she's afraid, so she responds to everything by getting angry and fighting. She's outraged by almost anything whether its warrented or not, she also doesn't trust you, and while she's afraid you'll go she doesn't like you much either (mostly just because she doesn't trust you). She's kind of dormant right now because she had a breakdown. That was what the poem I wrote was about (the lion and the lamb).

The Grey tells me I'm not worth anything, and that I'll just be alone in the end. She doubts you more than any of them do. Its not really her fault, because that's all she's known, but it seems like there's no way to convince her. A lot of the times that I freak out its because of her. I try not to let what she says get to me but it doesn't always work. She's afraid all the time and recently she's constantly calling out what she thinks will happen. Sometimes I can ignore it, but I wish she'd give it a rest.

And finally there's Himmel. He's the best out of all of them. He's calm most of the time and tries to convince me not to believe the others when they're freaking out about things. Tries to get me to think clearly. He's very strong, in every way, but because he's so calm he's quiet and doesn't speak up a lot, which is kinda a bad thing. He's tried comforting The Grey before but it only worked for a second. He was the other person in The Lion and The Lamb. He's been taking good care of the Youkai since her breakdown, so hopefully he'll be able to keep her controlled. The bad thing is when Himmel starts agreeing with the others, which is when I really get afraid. Because Himmel isn't irrational like they are, and if he starts believing them then what they say has to be true...even if I don't want it to be, or if you say its not.

Anyway, I'm sorry if you didn't want to read any of that or if this is going to make you worry about me. But trust me, I've got it all under control, there's nothing to worry about. Really I think it would be better to take care of yourself right now...I'm doing alright, I don't need help, but I want to help you.