- 3:23 PM It makes sense to you, yeah, but it isn't right and you know it. you don't have to be afraid, i'm here for you. we can do this together. what do you say?

- 10:41 PM Do you even care? maybe i'm being stupid. but when i tell you i'm emo its because i want to talk to you about it. the reason i don't bring it up is because if i do you either brush it off or completely ignore it altogether. what's the point then anyway? i'm sorry, i know you have your own problems but i can't just pretend that i don't need support too. i want you to trust me and i want to be able to trust you too. and how am i not supposed to freak out when it feels like you're constantly annoyed by me? i think you make too many jokes about things that aren't funny, and it hurts me sometimes. i'm nervous in the first place, you know that, and this is definately not helping.

- 6:05 PM There is a fire burning inside of me, it just gets stronger and stronger the longer I'm away from you. Sometimes I don't even know how I'm managing to stand it. I need to see you again.
Its something I don't think you would understand. Or maybe you would. Don't worry, I can take it. But I need you, and I need to be close to you. I'm almost going mad.
But the problem is I never let it out. Whenever I see you I think that you'd probably get mad and that I'd be better off not doing it. I figured that if you don't initiate it then you don't want it. I know its kind of straight-forward that you would but...It isn't really something I can sense. Or something I would trust my senses on. Even after all this time. What am I, stupid?

I have thought about it, as I told you, and I think I do understand what you mean by the closeness...And believe me, I would love to feel that kind of closeness but...I can't if it involves sex. Its one of those things that works in theory but not in practice. Its a nice thought. But it wouldn't work out that way. Maybe if I didn't realize what I was doing. But that wouldn't happen. I would realize it. And even if I did manage to carry on after that point, it would not be what you think it will. It will not be closeness. I will be completely detached, I wonder if you'd notice. I remember it from back with Cassy...When I was doing those things to her it was like I was in a completely different dimension from her. I could not be more distant. Just going through the motions. And when I think back on it, it was so stupid. I didn't feel anything. Sure I was happy that I was making her happy but I hardly even understood what I was doing...it meant nothing to me, even afterwards.

If I'm just going through the motions its no more than a big lie.
And that, is not right.

- 10:57 PM please save me

- 12:35 PM

They're safe. All of them. They're in Maten. I think it might've been that they were trapped in between worlds...well, now they've gotten there. Himmel and Youkai are together, and Grey and Kemuri are together. They're on opposite sides of Maten but at least they're not alone. I'm...too excited to even write about it here!

- 3:38 AM The foggy morning light brightens up the area, even under the thick trees. It all looks cold and wonderful. I call out to my partner, "Raine, I don't think we're going to-" I am cut short by a loud thud, as something falls from the canopy above me. Raine catches up to me to stand by my side as I kneel to examine the bundle. My hands grasp burlap and I roll it over - it is a child. Dusky brown hair falls away from its scaly cheeks and its face, pale and contorted in death.
I stand abruptly, head sharp and clear with shock. Raine grasps me firmly by the shoulders and cries out in an uncharacteristically raised voice, "We have to get this guy, Rai!"
I assure him that I know this, and glance down at the body, "It's just..."
"Just what?" he asks suspiciously.
"Maybe he didn't do this."
"What are you talking about?" He's becoming agitated, "Of course he did!"
"All I'm saying is it could have been someone else!"
His face is close to mine now and I can see his sharp teeth grinding together, "My people do not go around killing children!" he growls and pushes me away slightly before stalking off ahead of me into the trees.
I glance once more at the dead child before following him. He's offended now, but he will forget soon. Besides, we've got work to do.

- 3:09 PM She was young. Not quite a child but probably around your age. She shouldn't even have been there, in that position. I could blame this on the Light army but OniStar probably did the exact same thing. But they shouldn't have made someone as young as her do something so dangerous. It was quick, at least. I never even got my hands dirty. A crossbow bolt to the neck and she was finished. The border guards were confused at first but one look at my OniStar patch and they understood - and promptly disregarded the girl. I was to bring her body back for identification, so I knelt down to gather her up. Her skin was smooth, and I could tell it had been warm before I had snuffed the life from her. The dead weight was somehow easy to carry, and I determinedly brought her to the waiting portal. I had done my job. For now, Demona would be satisfied.

- 6:23 PM I've been thinking of trying a spell to help me remember Maten better.
I'm going to have to do it soon while the moon is in the proper cycle but I'm not really sure if I should. Remembering could be both good and bad. What do you think?

- 4:58 PM I really want to remember that place.
I keep having random flashes of memory and its frustrating.
But what if I'm not supposed to remember Maten?
What if I end up regretting it afterwards?