- 5:33 AM I never even realized how right it could be until it was happening.
And then when it was, I had no doubts, no regrets. Because I knew what I was doing. I knew, it couldn't be wrong because of how much I love you. What I did was so perfect and so pure, it could never be used for evil. You're my wife. I love you, and I was loving you when I did that.

And when you were doing those things to me, even though my body couldn't feel it...I finally understood, I knew that you were feeling the same emotion I was when I did it to you. My body couldn't feel anything, but in my heart I felt your love...and I was happy.

and, to have you in me, I think might be nice, but...
I just don't want you to feel bad if my body doesn't respond.

- 1:04 PM I did a kind of ritual this morning.
And now I feel a whole lot better.
I'm fully aware, I know that you don't want to hurt me, and that you aren't going to. This is something that you want to do because you love me. And that is the same reason, I'll admit, that I do want to do that with you as well.
But I know, that I will probably be scared still, even with this knowledge. It is a huge possibility. But, hopefully I will be able to overcome this fear with you.
It is not wrong of me to want this from you, and it does not mean that I want to hurt you.
It's time to stop denying that.

No, I'm not ready yet, but I just wanted to let you know that.

- 4:19 AM How could I have forgotten without even noticing? How could I have been so foolish?
"The goal is not to shoot the target, but to become one with the target"
Of course, of course
I know what I was doing wrong.
Why do I fight? Why do I kill?
I can't forget, the goal is not to shoot the target

I'd like to try giving you some more energy once I'm better.
I think I've figured this out.

- 7:31 AM I realized it when I put my hand on your back. As strange as this sounds, it just felt like it fit there so perfectly. I'm always afraid that I can't feel anything, but...it's in everything. The scent of your hair, the warmth of your skin, even the way you have to stand on your toes to kiss my neck. No words can even come close to it. I can only hope you'll catch the feeling like I have. I love you, so much. Love doesn't even begin to explain it.
I've always been so scared, but I realized...I realized that when I'm in your arms, it's the only time I don't feel like I'm fighting something. I can't lose this, any of it. I can't lose you.
All I want to do is hold onto you and never let go.
You're the only one who can save me.

- 11:07 PM I'm nervous to put it into words... because what if you don't even want it? its impossible to do this without your help. we can do this, but you have to believe that... and you have to accept the help. it would be better for both of us if you didn't block what i'm trying to do. i wish you would let me help you... that you would want my help. i can't lose you.