- 7:58 AM Reading back into my past, I see all the things I've written and I...I do remember how I felt, the situation at the time, even the feeling of the room. I said to you, Drayc "I will change, you'll see". I changed, I didn't change in the way I had meant at the time but...I've changed.

I've been hurt irrevocably. Worse than even you did, Drayc, so feel better.
I don't see her anymore, and I don't talk to her.
she can't hurt me
destroy me
rape me.
And expect things to go on as usual.
One day maybe I'll talk to her again, but I can't do that right now.

Drayc if you were my only problem, I think I would feel a lot better. If I was back then, where all I thought of with you. Knowing what I do now, it might be better than this situation. I'd prefer it.
I'm not in love with anyone but I'm lovesick, heartbroken. Longing for someone who does not exist.

Meaning, someone who will not hurt me.