- 4:04 PM It's not really that I have a problem with it, it's just that afterwards I feel...just, so alone.
And it's not that you just have to go home or something like that, you just...don't stay. You go off and do something else and whatever and I'm just...there. And it scares me.
I can't get what you can from it. And I just kinda feel like, you ignore that. Or you don't realize it. If you aren't close to me afterwards I feel like you've gone away. That I'm just discarded after you have what you want. And I know that's not what it is to you, I know that, but maybe you just don't realize what you're doing.
I feel so horrible now. I wish we had just cuddled. I'm sorry.

- 12:34 PM I do not know what's wrong with me.
I need you so much but I can't be around other people right now and it makes me feel even worse.
What did I do wrong? I feel like a fucking killer.
And I know I didn't, and I know I didn't hurt you. I like what I did. I like that I made you feel that way.
Does that make me a bad person? no, no it doesn't.
but look what I've done.
I can't feel the same as you. I can't get that from sex. Don't get me wrong, I still see it as expressing my love to you, but I can't even comprehend how it makes you feel. I don't understand it at all.
I explain that I love you, that is why I did it. But they say, that killing can be done out of love.
I don't want to be a monster.
I need you to help me.
I need your embrace to stop me from exploding. To give me something to hold onto, to prove to them they can't take me away. They can't change me. I'm not a monster, I can't be. I have to know I'm still here. I need you.
I never feel safe without you. I have to fight, always. How can I win when I'm so, so alone?
But I can't lose, because you need me.
Please make it stop.

- 6:16 PM Why is it that I am a bad person?
I was thinking, and I decided, yes, I probably am,
but I cannot for the life of me find a reason why
What makes me bad? I don't know. And if I don't know, how can I be so sure that I am?
I cannot think of anything that I did wrong to make this feeling so strong recently.
But, last night at least, I believed I was the most horrible monster in this world.
I did not think it mattered because either way you still love me but
it just burned inside and I did not
know
why.

- 9:48 AM You deserve so much better than me.
I want to give you everything in this world, but still you're worth so much more...and all I have is myself.
I'm a bad person, but I'm getting better, I swear. Just for you.
I'll never leave you
please
please
don't go away