Sunday, February 24, 2008
- 6:36 PM
Its becoming more and more clear to me, especially now that we can't see eachother so often. Before it might have scared me but now...now it just instills in me a quiet sadness, a muted worry that I know could be a threat but pray it will not.
I have changed.
Yes, it is like nothing I have ever felt before and yes that is good but...
I used to be able to take care of myself. To comfort myself. When I had no one to turn to I always offered myself solace but now...it can't compete. Not with that feeling.
It is a good thing and it makes me happy but I can still dread possibilities.
If I fuck this up I will never be able to go back to the way I was before. I'll never be able to forget it. I won't be able to make myself better.
And I know it isn't going to happen but that doesn't mean its not there in the back of my mind. Just a reminder.
This could be dangerous. But I'm willing to risk it.