Monday, December 17, 2007
- 4:49 PM
I was going to post this a while ago, but I didn't.
I thought about it again so I'm posting it now.
(just a memory)
Coloured lights.
I don't know what they mean to other people but they calmed me down. Glowing in the night - its always lighter in the winter.
I stared out there, and the snow, the snow looked so warm. So much more comforting than in here.
I wanted to be anywhere but here.
I didn't know it then, but I wanted to be home. The snow and those lights somehow made me feel safe. The snow asks nothing of you. It says nothing, it just quietly falls.
I could wrap it around me and feel safe. Its still like that. I feel safe in the snow. The snow always smiles at me. As long as there's snow...
Once, it was a green christmas. I pity anyone that has to go through that. How could there not be snow?
I hated this because all I got were presents from people who didn't care about me at all. They think I'll be happy just having something to open. But its the same thing every year and I don't mean anything to you. You think you're making kids happy at christmas? You're not.
I'm still alone at the end and I'm still sad and I'm still stuck here and I still can't do anything about it.
But the snow cares about me. Its made of peaceful happiness and that is its gift to me. But I can't be with it, I'm stuck in here. So I'm still alone, even if it loves me.
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I always used to dream that someone cared about me.
I knew there had to be something out there...