- 7:23 PM I'm sorry.
If I was better I could stop this. If I just tried a litter harder.
I thought I could help.
That's why I was crying today.
If not anything else, aren't I at least good enough to stay here for?
you wanna know something?
I plan how I'm going to kill myself if you die.
Every building, cliff, tower...I judge whether its tall enough to jump off of and not survive, whether or not I'd be able to get up to it. When I was going to Niagara falls I was memorizing the way to a park near Toronto that's full of cliffs, in case I ever had to go there. I think of what I'd write in my suicide note.
Maybe I'm just fucking morbid.
Why am I even saying this? Its only going to make you feel bad...but, I figured since we're talking secrets here.

I'm sorry I can't do anything.
I understand those feelings, and,
it just makes me feel even worse, because how come I can help myself, yet I can't help you?
I should be able to.
I know you said you're not in this so that I can help you, but, what good am I if I can't?

No, I'm not mad, I'm just frustrated, because I can't change things.
My first instinct in everything is to fight but I know it isn't going to help, or work at all in this situation.
If I seem like I'm mad, I'm only mad at myself.

Oh, and another secret:
I always say I'd never stay with someone if they abused me, but that's not the truth. Anything you might do to hurt me, I probably deserve. sound familliar? Hell, break every bone in my body if you want to. If that helps you. I've got to be good for something, right?

And yeah, I know that this probably doesn't have anything to do with me. I know I'm only being a dreamer if I think I can do anything but,
Fuck, I want to make you happy. Not so happy you could die. I want to make you so happy that you want to live. Its possible, you've got to know that.
and I know its your comfort zone, and you probably don't want to leave it but...trust me, its so much better. This is coming from someone who has been in both places. And yeah, its scary coming out of it, it really is, but baby, I'm here. You've got me, and even if it might not be that much of a comfort I'd like to think it helps even just a little. I'm always going to be here for you, you don't have to be afraid. Do you trust me? Things are going to be alright...if you let them.
please don't go away.