Monday, May 12, 2008
- 12:34 PM
I do not know what's wrong with me.
I need you so much but I can't be around other people right now and it makes me feel even worse.
What did I do wrong? I feel like a fucking killer.
And I know I didn't, and I know I didn't hurt you. I like what I did. I like that I made you feel that way.
Does that make me a bad person? no, no it doesn't.
but look what I've done.I can't feel the same as you. I can't get that from sex. Don't get me wrong, I still see it as expressing my love to you, but I can't even
comprehend how it makes you feel. I don't understand it at all.
I explain that I love you,
that is why I did it. But they say, that killing can be done out of love.
I don't want to be a monster.
I need you to help me.
I need your embrace to stop me from exploding. To give me something to hold onto, to prove to them they can't take me away. They can't change me. I'm not a monster, I can't be. I have to know I'm still here. I need you.
I never feel safe without you. I have to fight, always. How can I win when I'm so, so alone?
But I can't lose, because you need me.
Please make it stop.