Tuesday, November 20, 2007
- 12:25 PM
You
are different.
I
know you are. I truly do. Believe me on that.
But you're right, I am afraid.
I'm afraid to trust myself. I'm afraid to trust what I know is true because, what if my mind is flawed? What if I don't really know anything at all?
And, what if I do something to mess this up? I'm afraid because you
are different from everyone else, I'm afraid that I'll lose you, because I'm just not good enough.
I know you say that I'm doing enough. But I don't really believe that I am. I'm average at best. I should be doing so much more than this. You know, I'm not really afraid of being alone. I'm fine on my own, I've been on my own for so long. I'm alright with that. What I'm actually afraid of, is losing
you. I'm so afraid I'll do something that will make you mad at me, or something that's just beyond what you can accept me for. I'm so afraid I'm going to make just that one little mistake.
I'm already screwing this up anyway, you feel like you're trapped.
This is why you shouldn't have asked for my emoblog in the first place. Because I freak out WAY too much even when I KNOW there's no reason to. No good can come of it. I know that my fears are irrational. But that doesn't mean they're not there.
I never meant for this to happen, I'm sorry.
And, guess what?
I need you too.